Feeling Stuck? 5 Steps to Create Change in Your Working Life & Not Working Life
Jezz Chung / Contributing Writer
Question from the community: You talk a lot about transformation and a constant theme in what you share online seems to root back to the idea of reinvention. What advice would you give to someone who feels stuck in the current stage of their career and how do you source the courage to keep changing your life?
First, let’s celebrate the intention to change! I like to think that if you want something (a different way to source income, an upgraded home, a stronger support system), it’s already on its way to you. This is an optimistic view I don’t always believe when I’m in the midst of wanting a change— it’s hard to focus on what could be when we’re trying to get through the goo in front of us. But this reframe helps me focus on what I can move towards, and this motivation feels like a strong ingredient for change.
I think transformation is my biggest survival technique. Over a year ago, I resigned from a position as a diversity/equity/inclusion lead at an advertising agency, moved into a more spacious home, and found love in queer community, among many other changes that aren’t as tangible and easy to name.
Many of us are making these changes as a result of the pandemic— pivoting careers, finding better home environments, reshaping our relationship to gender and queerness and racial identity. Maybe it’s similar to why we get a haircut after a breakup. Something dissolves, our heart aches, and we seek some form of physical marker to visualize the change. That, and we want some way to feel like we’re in control of our lives when everything outside of us is in chaotic disarray.
I know many people reading this are working at companies or are in positions that don’t feel fulfilling. I created a role as a diversity/equity/inclusion lead because I wasn’t fulfilled in my role as a copywriter, and I had pivoted into a copywriting role because I wasn’t fulfilled as a project/account manager. And now I’m working for myself because I’m realizing there’s no singular role out there that can hold the full breadth of my passions and purpose.
The isolation we experienced the last two years hyperfocused our attention on ourselves. Through studying Buddhist theories, dharma principles, and abolitionist frameworks, I’ve learned that we are deeply interconnected (the past two years have illuminated this x1000). What we believe affects what we think, which affects how we behave, which then affects our cultural norms and behaviors. The individual is part of the collective, the collective is made of many individuals. We rely on each other to understand what is appropriate, what is normal, what is real. And while we may look in a mirror a few times a day, we depend on our interactions with others to understand who we are, what we’re doing, if we’re doing well. So when we were isolated from each other, we were confronted with our own reflections. We could no longer blame our beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors on others, we were confronted with the idea of taking responsibility for ourselves.
“When we were isolated from each other, we were confronted with our own reflections. We could no longer blame our beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors on others; we were confronted with the idea of taking responsibility for ourselves.”
When we create change in our lives, we are also changing cultural norms. By transforming ourselves, we are transforming the world around us. So if you’re thinking of making changes in your life and wondering what steps you can take, here are some places you can start.
#1: Follow your curiosity
In June 2020, Writer and performer ALOK released a book called Beyond The Gender Binary, a condensed summary of what it means to live life outside of the gender binaries of man or woman. I became curious about what it means to be non-binary. I am not an expert so I encourage you to learn from voices who are more versed in this topic. I also want to note that our relationship to gender can be nuanced and individual, so what I share is merely from my personal experiences and not a reflection of how all non-binary people think or feel. I became curious about how the two-binary categories of gender limit our expressions, our behaviors, and overall— our beliefs. What could be possible if I stopped seeing people in binary gender categories? What would that open up for me, for my own gender identity? If gender violence is rooted in anger against people who defy the either/or gender expressions, what would a future of safety for trans, gender non-conforming, and non-binary people look like?
At the same time, I was finding queer community in New York by attending events, finding local QTPOC community initiatives, and building relationships with people who had gone through their own journeys of redefining their gender identities. I began to connect the dots, realizing gender binaries were a result of colonialism. And once I made the (very scary) decision to change my pronouns, my curiosity rewarded me with the feeling of affirmation. I felt acknowledged hearing people refer to me without a singular, assumed gender. I’m still looking for the words to describe this sensation, but the best I can describe it is that my body tells me “this feels affirming, we like it here.”
How do you know when your curiosity is speaking? Sometimes curiosity is what follows discomfort. You find yourself dreading the workweek and counting down the days to the weekend. A question that can follow this discomfort: what would feel more fulfilling for me? What are the things I don’t like about what I do and how can I do less of it? What are the things I really enjoy about what I do and how can I do more of it? What would it take for me to feel excited about my week?
“How do you know when your curiosity is speaking? Sometimes curiosity is what follows discomfort. You find yourself dreading the workweek and counting down the days to the weekend. A question that can follow this discomfort: what would feel more fulfilling for me?”
Allow yourself to ask those questions. Write it down. Mind map it. Look up lifestyle design worksheets. Talk it through with a friend. Step away and continue a hobby you dropped a while ago. Sign up for a new course. Re-read your journals. Though it might not make sense in the midst of it, trust your curiosity to guide you.
#2: Identify your superpowers
What are the things that seem to come naturally to you, compared to others? We often compare our shortcomings to other people’s superpowers. Getting clear on what we’re innately good at (which again, is another way of framing what you are most curious about!) helps us focus our energy and identify where our creative energy can be best sustained.
When I first learned about the practice of manifesting (there are so many resources on this from YouTube to TikTok...TikTok has been my University of Human Behavior lately), I sat down at my desk and wrote a list of things I’d love to get paid to do. I thought about all the things I enjoy doing, the things I’ve been told I’m good at, the things that people have asked me to do again and again, the things I’ve done when no one was counting my hours or results. This included speaking to large crowds, facilitating experiences, synthesizing complex information into digestible pieces, and working with young people of non-dominant identities to build a more equitable future. I’m saying it more eloquently here, my original list probably included something like “READ, SPEAK, WRITE, STRATEGIZE, CREATE, COLLABORATE.” Whatever comes to you, write it down and build from there. Then, try writing down what makes you good at these things.
“We often compare our shortcomings to other people’s superpowers. Getting clear on what we’re innately good at helps us focus our energy and identify where our creative energy can be best sustained.”
We tend to think of people as born experts, as if scholars and scientists were born with a wealth of information that makes them good at what they do. I like to think of expertise as curiosity. These curiosities and the skills that come from them are your strengths, your superpowers. They don’t even have to be super, just start with a power you have and know these areas are the ripest places to focus.
If you don’t know where to start, refresh with personality assessments like enneagram, 16 personalities, and VIA character strengths. I like to pair those with less institutional methods like astrology (I really enjoy the Chani app by astrologer and author of “You Were Born For This: Astrology for Radical Self-Acceptance” Chani Nicholas), akasha, and numerology methods like finding your life path number.
#3: Define your values
This helps you communicate what you want and helps guide your decisions. If you’re clear on what you want in your next career or money-making opportunity, you can communicate this. Get creative! Weave it into your Instagram captions. Make a graphic and put it on LinkedIn. Or if you’re trying to be more discreet, share it with trusted people by prompting a dialogue about future goals.
What kind of work do you want to do? Who do you want to work with? If you want to work with companies full-time or freelance, what are some non-negotiables for you? If you work gig to gig or are in search of your next brand collaborations and partnerships, what kind of brands do you want to associate yourself with?
Defining this— again, on paper or in writing!— helps us position our mindset and sends signals into the ether (or through our day to day communication) that this is what you’re looking for.
The current values I’ve defined for myself are equity, care, and access. The questions that stem from these values help guide my yeses and nos when it comes to collaborations and partnerships. Will working on this help contribute to an equitable, just, safe, and regenerative future? Is there care and consideration in this process, do I feel like there is an exchange of care in the communication? How does this help expand access (capital, information, relationships) to people who have been historically harmed and systemically underserved?
#4: Visualize your ideal life
Writing it down is an important part of making it happen. Strategists don’t walk into a session drawing air bubbles and imaginary frameworks to share insights and synthesize research. Creative teams don’t just think about what the campaign will look, feel, and sound like; they put together mood boards and scripts and sometimes even VO with pulled footage for a sizzle reel.
Could we apply these same tools we’ve learned in the art of advertising and storytelling to create our future? What does your ideal next step look like? What does it feel like? What do you do when you wake up, what kind of feelings fill your day? How do you wind down, what kind of meetings are you in, what kind of work are you creating? What are some visuals you can associate with where you want to live, how you want to live, and what impact you want to have?
I wrote about a few steps to visualize your future in my newsletter Liberated Luxury, in case it helps.
“Creative teams don’t just think about what the campaign will look, feel, and sound like; they put together mood boards and scripts and sometimes even VO with pulled footage for a sizzle reel. Could we apply these same tools we’ve learned in the art of advertising and storytelling to create our future?”
#5: Practice patience through gentle affirmations
Affirmations are a practice of rooting ourselves in universal truths. They’re reminders for our soul, and sometimes they may conflict with our current state of mind. When we’re feeling jaded and burnt out, it’s hard to repeat statements of positivity out loud. But if you’re up for it, here are some affirmations to write on repeat in your journal, to speak out loud, to put on a sticky note and place on your mirror, to record in a voice note and listen to yourself speak it back.
I am not defined by my current circumstances.
Exciting, amazing opportunities are coming my way.
All of my experiences have prepared me for all that’s ahead.
Even though I feel lost, I’m moving in the right direction.
I am writing the next chapter of my life’s story.
I’m supported beyond my imagination.
Also just to name, we are still in the midst of one of the most tragic, life-bending global catastrophes our world has faced in centuries. Please be gentle with your pacing, be kind with your thoughts, and celebrate every milestone no matter how tiny and minute.
If you follow your curiosity, identify your superpowers, define your values, visualize your future, and practice patience through affirmations, I believe with all my soul that you’ll create the change you want to see.
As always, share any questions, curiosities, or reflections with us at HERE for future columns.
Jezz Chung (they/them) is a writer, facilitator, and performer based in the Lenape territory of New York City. They believe that personal transformation is a radical practice of collective change. To inquire about workshops designed around equity, creativity, and well-being, reach out at jezzchung.com
Animated Illustration by WNW Member ShinYeon Moon