Asking Not Asking #28: Burned Out on Social Media
TINA ESSMAKER / Creative Coach
Hi Tina,
I’m a small business owner in Portland, Oregon. I have a design studio with 5 people, including me, and we are doing quite well. But I’m starting to feel exhausted by the constant connection and always thinking about my business. Mainly, the push to be on social media all of the time is giving me anxiety.
Since we’re small, we don’t have a full-time social media person, so I post everything to our studio account, plus I have my own personal accounts to maintain. I’m not sure it’s the best use of my time to be thinking about this, but I’m also afraid that people will forget about us and we’ll lose out on work if I’m not posting.
Is our success because we’ve been active online or does it even matter how many likes we get? Is it necessary to post on social media daily? Will we lose work if we’re not sharing like everyone else? How can I get rid of my anxiety and have a more reasonable approach to all of this?
Sincerely,
Burned Out on Social Media
Dear Burned Out on Social Media,
You’re not the only one grappling with this question. I’ve had conversations with colleagues recently about this very thing. On top of the admin it takes to run a business and actually do the work, we are expected to put out a steady stream of inspiration online in multiple places. We are afraid that if we stop posting, we will become irrelevant, obsolete. Maybe that’s what social media wants us to think.
My friend Anne, who is a fellow coach and small business owner, recently conducted an experiment in which she left social media for a week. You can read her full account and what she learned over on her site. As a solo entrepreneur who uses social media to market her business, one of the thoughts Anne had was, “I can’t do this, my business needs social media to survive.” What she found, though, was interesting. Time away from social media meant less distractions and less comparing herself to others. Anne walked away with more clarity around her business goals and new insight about how to connect two parts of her business that formerly seemed disparate.
A week isn’t that long, but it’s long enough to change up our routine and help us gain clarity, like it did for Anne. For her, a week-long break from social media didn’t lead to her business collapsing. Instead, she ended up with greater clarity around her own priorities rather than simply following what everyone else was doing. Perhaps you might find the same. Maybe there’s a ritual that allows you to disconnect from social media for a period of time every so often. Perhaps that time away is used to revisit business goals, gain more clarity around how you want to use social media, and “reset” your relationship to online interactions. You could certainly try it as an experiment.
Another person who has researched and written about our relationship to social media is computer scientist Cal Newport, whose work I’ve shared before in the column (I’m a big fan!). In this GQ article, Newport talks about technology as a tool, but warns of the black hole that it can become:
“The problem in our current digital world, he argues, isn’t about utility, it’s about autonomy: tech greatly improves our life, right up until the point where you stop using it intentionally and unknowingly fall into manipulative black holes—on your phone, on Slack, in your inbox—that are specifically designed to be addicting.”
That addiction manifests in our inability to put our phones away, in the fear that if we take a break or leave social media our lives or businesses will collapse, and the belief that we need to be on social media to matter. Newport suggests starting with a 30-day detox in which you stop using any non-essential technologies. For example, he suggests that you likely can’t stop using email because you use it to communicate for business, but Facebook is optional. While more extreme than Anne’s week-long break, the purpose of this month-long cleanse is to help you re-integreate the digital tools that will be helpful and meaningful—and to help you rediscover the meaningful leisure activities that were replaced with scrolling social feeds.
In addressing the fear of missing out that pops into our minds when we think about leaving or taking a break from social media, Newport argues that, “There's a rarefied number of activities to invest time in that are really important and return a lot of value—the amount of value [in these activities] is way higher than, say, the little bit of value you get by seeing a funny Tweet or writing a comment on a friend’s Facebook post. Spreading your time and attention over these low value things takes your time and attention away from the things that are disproportionately higher value.”
This is a question for your business: What activities are of the highest value to gaining and maintaining clients? Outside of social media, how do you meet, entertain, and solidify new clients? Through word of mouth, through hosting events, through personally reaching out to people? Speaking at conferences? There are a multitude of ways to tell people about your work in addition to, or outside of, social media. I would ask you to consider how much stock you put into the ability of social media to grow your business versus activities you can do in real life to create meaningful connections and awareness of your work. Perhaps you really do get most of your work through social media and it would be detrimental to leave or cut back on it. But maybe it doesn’t contribute to the success of your business as much as you think. Perhaps you’ve just been led to believe that you will sink without it.
“I would ask you to consider how much stock you put into the ability of social media to grow your business versus activities you can do in real life to create meaningful connections and awareness of your work.”
There is immense social pressure to be online, to be on all of the social media platforms, to be constantly connected and always available. But is that what’s best for us? Clearly, you are fatigued by the demands. I’m curious how these demands are impacting other areas of your life, like personal relationships, time to care for yourself, time spent on leisure activities that refresh you and give you meaning.
I’m not a luddite. I don’t believe we should shun technology, but like Anne and Cal, I, too, am questioning the role of social media (and the digital world) in our lives and work. You are not the only one thinking about this. Expectations for success are immense, and as a small business owner, you bear the brunt of that pressure. I know you want to do everything you can to be successful and these days we are told that we must be on social media consistently to share our work and promote our businesses.
But as the founder of your business, you get to lead and set the tone for your approach to this. Social media can certainly be a tool for your business. It’s a great way to reach a new audience and deepen the dialogue you have with your current audience. But you may want to define how and why you’re using social media. What is the purpose for each outlet? Along with that purpose, how often will you engage. Base it on the facts of your business.
For example, with my coaching business, I do receive referrals for new coaching clients through social media (mostly Instagram, sometimes Twitter, and rarely Facebook). Most of my referrals come through past clients, colleagues who refer people, the writing I do (like this column) and speaking engagements. For me, that means the best use of my time is to be a really great coach so my clients send referrals to me, reach out to my colleagues on a regular basis to tell them about my work and remind them I’m looking for new clients, continue to research and write about topics I’m passionate about in my work, and speak to audiences about coaching and invite them to get in touch. Social media augments the work I do and allows me to share when I write a new article, where I’m speaking, if I have openings for clients, and so on. But it’s not the priority for me on a day to day basis.
“I’d suggest that you run an experiment to gather more information and have space to think about how you’d like to use social media more intentionally as a tool for your business. Remember, you are in control.”
However, this is only one take on it (mine). Others may get the majority of their work through social media. It’s different for everyone. I’d suggest that you run an experiment to gather more information and have space to think about how you’d like to use social media more intentionally as a tool for your business. Remember, you are in control. Make decisions that support your work and allow you to remove some of the pressure so you can focus on what’s most important for continuing to run a thriving business.
Oh, and if you haven’t heard, Instagram recently announced that it’s experimenting with hiding likes. Here’s a response to the announcement written by an Instagram influencer. Remember, social media itself is an experiment, an ever-changing one. Even if you figure it out for now, you’ll have to continue to revisit and rethink your relationship to it. But it’s possible with intention and attention.
With intention and attention,
Coach Tina
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